Lots of people clean themselves in the shower. Some even do it every day. Some of those same people actually prefer that method of self-cleaning to lying in a bath of water. I’ve never been one of those people. I love baths. I look forward to baths. I wallow in baths.
Perhaps that is because I grew up without a shower (I don’t think we had a shower in our house until I was about 14 and even then it was rarely used). There have been times in my life since then when I have not had access to a bath. When I lived in student accommodation in Amsterdam, we only had showers. As far as I remember there was one bath but we didn’t use it and I can’t now remember why (it was over 20 years ago). The following year, again while a student, this time back in Exeter, I again had to put up with a bathroom with only a shower. Actually, even worse than that, it was a wet room (what a horrid concept). For both those years I struggled. I know that this is a real First World problem but that is a sad fact of human nature, we are able to empathize with those less fortunate than ourselves in one breath and then we can moan about the lack of chocolate in the house in the next and not spot the irony.
Anyway, back on topic, here is a list of reasons why I don’t like showers.
- Showers are all about standing. I don’t like standing up to get clean. Standing up is hard work. We stand when we wait for things, or we are doing this such as cooking or cleaning or working (sometimes). So why stand up to clean ourselves?
- Showers are boring. There’s nothing to do in the shower. When I do have to have a shower I’m in and out in less than five minutes because I can’t think of anything more dull than standing while water flows down me.
- Showers don’t feel hugely pleasant. When I’m in the shower, water gets in my eyes, up my nose, in my ears and my hair sticks to my head and neck. It’s not pleasurable at all.
- Showers are for narcissists and not the shy. I can see my reflection in the plastic doors when I’m having a shower at home. I don’t like that, no thanks. I don’t like watching myself do Zumba in the reflection of the glass windows and I’ve got clothes on then so I like seeing myself naked in the shower even less.
- Waterproof books haven’t been invented. You can’t read your book in the shower. This is actually the biggest reason why I don’t like showers. Who wants to get clean and not have something else they can do at the same time, such as read? Not being able to read and relax turns self-cleaning into a chore. There are enough chores in the day why add one more?
- Showers aren’t places in which to multi-task. You can’t work in the shower. Perhaps this is just one for freelancers but, yes, I do sometimes take my work into the bath. I haven’t yet resorted to hooking up my laptop to an extension cable and balanced on a chair by the bath but I do print out work to read while in the bath.
- Showers aren’t relaxing. Related to point 1. above, you can’t lie down and relax in the shower. I suppose you could but I think it would be quite cold and pointless.
- Cats don’t like showers. The cat doesn’t visit me in the shower, whereas she will quite happily walk along the edge of the bath when I’m in the bath. I like company when I’m in the bath.
- Showers aren’t conducive to creative thinking. I have ideas when I’m in the bath (which can be terribly inconvenient if I haven’t got a pen and paper (see point 6.)). That doesn’t happen in the shower because when I’m in the shower I’m usually just feeling grumpy and cross so the creative juices don’t flow.
- Showers means watery drinks. Finally, you can’t drink a G&T in the shower. Does this need any explanation?