In 45 years, I had only ever lived in one house that had an en suite. This was in 1998-2002. The house was in Oxford. Here is a picture of a house on the same street (thanks to RightMove).

Not number 18, but the same street.

Not number 18, but the same street.

In those four years I refused to use the en suite toilet, even when poorly (I’m not sure I was poorly while living there). I hate them. I don’t know if that is unusual. But I’ve never understood why people like them.

I think I may be weird as there are a lot of houses that have en suite toilets.

Now I am now 45 (far too old for my liking) and I have temporarily moved into a rented house that has an en suite. I haven’t yet used it. I can’t do it. I couldn’t even put my toiletries in there. They are in the bathroom across the landing.

If I can see the toilet from my bed, I'm not going to use it, ever

If I can see the toilet from my bed, I’m not going to use it, ever

‘What do you have against en suite toilets?’ I hear you cry. I think there are two reasons why I don’t like en suite toilets. I’ll tell you both of them. Firstly, I don’t think it is normal to have a toilet close to where you sleep. That’s just odd to me, on all levels, hygienically or otherwise. Secondly, I have always struggled with the idea of other people hearing me use the toilet. I don’t like to be heard at all. I can just about cope in a public toilet as it is generally going to be strangers listening to me but I don’t want people I know, let alone those I live with, to hear me. It unsettles me. I want them to go away, go downstairs, out of the house if possible, so I can wee (or otherwise) and read in peace.

So for as long as we live in this house, I will be using the bathroom across the landing, even if, or especially if, I’m in a hurry.