When will I feel like a grown up?

This is a thought I’ve had intermittently since I was a child: when will I feel like a grown up?

At first I assumed, it would happen when I reached 20. However, that didn’t happen. During my 20s, I was sure that it would happen at the next milestone: 30. But as my 30th birthday passed me by, I still felt the same. So I wondered: will 40 bring maturity? Surely it was bound to. Despite giving birth to three children between the ages of 30 and 40, regretfully, it didn’t.

I need a grownup

Now I am in my 40s (early 40s), I am wondering whether 50 will be the magic age when I feel like a grown up. Surely at 50 I will feel ‘old’? But after the last few decades of waiting and watching the milestones wizz by without a change of inner grownupness, I have my doubts.

When I was at university, I came up with a theory which I enjoyed passing onto others. The theory goes as follows: there are three things a person must have achieved in their life before they can call themselves a true grownup.

These three things are:

• A mortgage
• A partner of some description (a long-term partner)
• A pet and / or child

If someone is willing to lend you the money to buy one of these, you must be a grownup

I had achieved all three by my mid-20s (I had a cat), yet I didn’t feel at all grownup. So my theory had to change.

The new three things became:

• All of the above
• Grey hairs
• A preference for a glass of wine, a video and an early night over bottles of beer and a nightclub

This chap must feel like a grownup, with a head of hair like that

My mid-thirties brought forth all of the above. But, damn it, I didn’t feel mature enough yet. The theory had to change again. So it did.

The new, new three things became:

• All of the above
• A preference for Radio 2 over Radio 1
• A perchance for clothing from Marks and Spencer

Blouses and sensible skirts R Us

My early-forties is here and I think I am on one-and-a-half of the above (I’m not quite into Radio 2 yet, I prefer Radio 4 but I still like Radio 1). So is there hope for my revised theory? Do other people my age have these three elements in their life and feel mature as a result? I have, as of yet, not really felt inclined to buy my clothes in Marks and Spencer (and I can’t see it happening too soon either). Part of me hopes that I never reach that point. I still love Top Shop, I choose Zara over Country Casuals, and H&M is much preferable to Wallis.

Old lady clothes?

I think the issue is that I don’t really ever want to be a grownup. Equally, I don’t want to be the embarrassing Great Aunt who dances in leopard print leggings and a boob tube at her Great Niece’s wedding. I haven’t yet got a Great Niece so I have at least two decades to work on preventing this scenario coming true. I hope that I settle in to a happy medium between the two (leopard print leggings and twin-set). I hope that even in my 90s (if I get that far) I remain, forever, still to some degree that ten-year-old me who enjoyed headstands, jumping in puddles, and Radio 1.

If my legs look like this at 60 I’ll be quite happy

I’ll let you know (if blogs exist in the year 2061).