I’ve recently made a return seven-hour flight and this has provoked a number of weird thoughts while in the facilities on board (which in themselves have the potential to provoke many weird thoughts but that’s another blog).

 

Flying gives you wind

There are a number of reasons for this.

  • Higher levels of anxiety (I’m sure flying for most people entails a slightly heightened sense of nervousness) leads to more air being swallowed.
  • Air in the intestines expands as one attains height. When altitude goes up, pressure goes down. According to the thermodynamic principal known as the ‘ideal gas law,’ as pressure decreases, volume increases, hence: more wind.
  • Food is generally dished up and eaten in a hurry resulting in even more air being swallowed.
Wind helps the plane go faster

Wind helps the plane go faster

I don’t find this increase in in-body air painful, but I do worry about the effect it has on my neighbouring passengers. However, scientists believe that we should let loose on this ailment and not try to hold back. I’m just glad that planes are noisy.

 

Flying gives you the snots

At least it does for me.

See second point above, as altitude increases, pressure decreases and volume increases.

Don't pick it just because you are 3,000 feet up

Don’t pick it just because you are 3,000 feet up

 

Flying makes you fat

When you take a flight anywhere further away than London to Paris, you will find yourself being constantly dished up with meals whether you like it or not. On the flight out of the journey I’ve just taken we started off with a mini bag of crisps and a drink, then we were fed a three-course meal, then three hours later we were given afternoon tea. On the way home, we only got two main meals but the breakfast came at what our body clocks felt was 2.30am. I do not want breakfast at 2.30am, ever.

The food is good, and gives you wind

The food is good, and gives you wind

Flying makes you fat also because you are strapped into a chair for seven hours plus at a stretch. They need to start making larger chairs or run some sort of in-flight sitting exercise class.

This was the menu on the way home

This was the menu on the way home

 

In-flight attendants should be allowed to wear jogging bottoms and t-shirts, albeit stylish ones

I really felt for the Virgin Atlantic cabin crew on my recent journey having to totter up and down the aisles in their high heals, tight jackets and even tighter pencil skirts. They did not look comfortable. They also wear figure-hugging white blouses and are immaculately made up. Their hair is pristine. This is all well and good if you live in the 1950s but really, give these girls a break! Let them wear jogging bottoms.

There's no way I could fly wearing this outfit

There’s no way I could fly wearing this outfit

I may moan but secretly although I find flying a little anxiety inducing, I quite like the chance to sit for seven hours and DO NOTHING beyond watching films, eating, sleeping, reading, botty burping and people watching.