This is the weird thought I had last night when I was told by my husband to take a look at the piece of Terry’s Chocolate Orange I was about to eat.
‘Look at it,’ he told me, ‘it is smaller.’
‘No it isn’t!’ I replied indignantly, closing my jaw before biting.
‘Yes it is,’ he continued. ‘Look, there’s a ridge. That wasn’t there before.’
So I looked at him and I looked at the object in my hand. I turned the piece over. I nudged my glasses up my nose and looked closer. I turned it again. He was right; there was indeed a ridge. There was a ridge that I either hadn’t noticed before or that hadn’t been there before. I went for the latter conclusion (I’m generally an observant person).
The bastards had shaved off some of the chocolate from each piece. I was outraged. I was incensed. This was the most incensed I had felt for at least ten minutes (previously, about the EU referendum result, what else?).
Then he showed me further proof (he has a scientist’s mind). He handed me the box. A chocolate orange now weighs 157g. It used to be 175g. I have been robbed of 18g of pure heaven. How dare they? How absolutely dare they? They didn’t even take the time to write to me and ask me whether I’d mind. I am their most loyal customer. I consume one Terry’s Chocolate Orange a week. They could have least offered me that courtesy. I may have said yes.
We’re not the only people to notice this. A quick google on the Internet reveals that someone called Gerry Hassan has also noticed and has commented on Twitter. He blames the Tory Party. They do have a lot to answer for, especially right now. Gerry Hassan is a commentator and a writer. I can tell we could be friends. Anyone who likes orange chocolate and who is as upset about this as me is an automatic friend of mine. I’ve clicked ‘follow’.
The issue now is that I have used up all my passion for protest on the EU referendum vote and I’m just exhausted of all enthusiasm now. I haven’t got the energy to do anything about this orange chocolate slippage except sit and grump, and eat. What should I eat? My favourite type of chocolate, of course, just less of it than I might have done a month ago.