Tag: Pants

Is it a granny pants day or go commando?

Recently I had a really bad day. It was an awful day. I spent the latter portion of the day in tears. That day was a granny pants day. A few days later I had a really good day, that day, I decided, was a go-commando sort of day.

Then my weird thought came: pants are a great way to classify 24-hour happiness levels.

Types of pants

So here is my classification system:

  • Control Briefs (Granny Pants): the worst sort of day imaginable, you have botched up big time at work, someone has died, you’ve crashed your car, you’ve had a bad review, someone has been really mean to you, you’ve failed an exam (or all your exams).
  • Classic Briefs (not far down from Granny Pants): a fairly bad day, you’ve got a stomach bug and feel awful, the exam you took was really had and you think you may fail, your dog is unwell, you’ve had a row with a close friend.
  • High-cut Briefs (I’m not even sure what these are): it hasn’t been a great day, work was full of niggles, you’re feeling stroppy and hormonal, you’ve got a headache.
  • Hipster (these are not unfashionable, but use more fabric than others): it’s been an average sort of day, not much has happened: things have been neither good nor bad.
  • Boyshorts (I wear these): you’ve had a reasonably okish day, perhaps you enjoyed a good cup of coffee but that was the highlight of the day. The rest of the day has been average.
  • Bikini Briefs (I don’t wear these, they are so 1980s): someone has paid you an unexpected complement, you’ve solved a problem, you’re feeling a little creative, you’re reading a really good book.
  • Tanga (I have no idea what these are): it’s been a good day, you’ve been shopping and bought an amazing pair of shoes or you’ve been out for a drink with good friends, you’ve had a good meal with your loved one, you’re book is unputadownable, you’re feeling happy and in love, you’ve got that warm gooey feeling you get from being content.
  • Thong: it is your birthday or Christmas Day and you’ve got lots of nice presents.
  • G-string: today has been excellent, from start to finish. You’ve been touched by human kindness, someone has surprised you in some way, a long-lost friend has got in touch, that handsome prince has kissed you, you feel healthy and alive. You’ve come up with a brilliant idea.
  • Go-commando: you are happiness. End.

These chaps are having the best day ever

My least favourite word in the English language is…

…slacks.

Are these slacks?

Are these slacks?

This is an American English term but I really, really dislike it. It is such an unattractive way to describe a pair of trousers. Who would openly admit to wanting to wear a pair of slacks? When I think of ‘slacks’ I think of elasticated nylon trousers with a crease neatly ironed down the front. I think of Harold and Hilda from Ever Decreasing Circles (1980s Sunday evening sit com). I think of Marks and Spencers.

Harold and Hilda wore slacks

Harold and Hilda wore matching slacks

If you google ‘slacks’ the definition it thows back at you is ‘casual trousers’. Perhaps it is partly because I don’ t wear trousers very often (I only wear jeans about twice a year and trousers perhaps once a year) that I dislike the word ‘slacks’. The word is unattractive. The item of clothing it describes is unattractive.

Incidentally, I also dislike the word ‘pants’ (as in trousers). It makes them sound completely unsexy (but slightly more sexy than slacks).

Who would want to be seen out in their pants or slacks? Who dons their slacks for a night on the town? Who ever met their future love interest in a pair of slacks? Exactly!