People in films don’t ever go to the toilet

Like royalty, people in films or on TV don’t ever say ‘hang on a minute, before we save the world from a band of unruly aliens can I just nip to the loo for a quick wee?’

As with the talking in complete sentences issue and the lack of history in science fiction, this is not realistic. I’m often needing to rush off to the toilet at a crucial moment during life’s exciting bits. My children are very good at choosing the most inappropriate moments for a quick sit down.

But as with my other concerns about fiction (most notably science fiction), I do understand that Peter Calpaldi rushing off to the toilet while the daleks are approaching does not make good TV and might take some of the drama and excitement out of the story (as well taking up precious time). It also might mean that he loses the battle. But if I were the script writer, I’d have him disappear for a wee after the crisis had abated at least. That time could be filled with other characters taking central stage, maybe making a nice calming cup of tea. Perhaps this is why I’m not a script writer.

We will exterminate, after we've found the nearest public toilet

We will exterminate, after we’ve found the nearest public toilet

Please, script writers, can you let nature call for your characters, once in a while? Then at least I know they are human (or daleks).


  1. It’s not that people don’t go to the toilet in films: it’s that Bad Things happen to people who do go to the toilet. For example, in Jurassic Park, that guy that no one likes goes and sits on the toilet, and then a T-Rex eats him. In Pulp Fiction (spoiler alert) Vincent Vega goes to the toilet, and when he comes out, Bruce Willis shoots and kills him. Still in Pulp Fiction, Vincent goes to the toilet another time and when he comes out, Mia Wallace has taken an overdose.

    You can see why they try to hold it in for as long as possible.

  2. So the message is: cross your legs and keep fighting / chasing / running!

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