I see dead toasters

I see dead toasters because I keep breaking them. Why do I keep breaking toasters? That’s a good question. And not just toasters, why do I keep breaking watches and kettles too? This is a weird thought I’ve been having lately. We recently bought a new kettle. The old kettle wasn’t yet a year old. It stopped working. The new kettle has already started to malfunction. It doesn’t know when to stop boiling. It’s not yet a month old.

Other examples of our electrical breakages:

• The last time I used an iron it just stopped working (and the time before that). I’m now not allowed to iron anything (I know, I should be happy!)
• The toaster recently stopped knowing when to pop. We ate a lot of burnt toast before we got a new toaster.
• Our household electrical circuits often trip for no reason.
• The wifi wobbles on a regular basis.
• A watch lasts me on average 8 months.
• My phone behaves very sporadically, the battery especially.
• The TV speakers in the sitting room recently decided to stop working.
• The passenger side window in the car doesn’t wind down.

One of many…

Is this just coincidence, clumsiness on my part, bad luck or do I have magical powers? Although science does not have a logical explanation for this phenomenon, non-scientists and those with one foot in the teeny tiny possibility theory world think there is something going on with certain people which causes electrical issues with household devices.

The term energy field (also electrical field) is used to describe the magnetic fields created by electrically charged particles. As people contain electrically charged particles, the body’s cells and tissues generate electrical fields. This is often called an ‘aura’. Some people have a stronger aura than others, the former being those people who break things without deliberately causing a malfunction. Science might argue that this is just an excuse for being clumsy. However, it is believed by those non-scientific open-minded types that things break when electric people are feeling particularly emotional or stressed.

So, what should I do about this, if indeed this explains our high turnover of kettles and irons? Try to chill more often? Wrap myself up in bubble wrap? Buy some crystals? Regularly rub a balloon? Apparently, any of those options would indeed help matters (and make life a little less expensive). Otherwise, I think I will just have to keep buying new kettles and toasters and hope I’ll start seeing ghosts too.

I need to wrap myself in this stuff

It is reassuring to know that even if science isn’t so sure, I’m not the only person to go through so many irons, toasters, and kettles. If you google ‘electrical people’ and you will see that this is well known problem.

The next time the toaster breaks I can say ‘well, it isn’t my fault, it’s my aura’.