As a female grownup (in theory, at least), I wear tights quite frequently. In fact, I wear tights more often than I wear socks. I rarely wear socks (only to go out for a run or to Zumba). And I wear tights a lot more frequently than I wear stockings (I think I have worn them just a handful of times in my life).

I own a lot of pairs of black tights (all from Marks & Spencer). My weird thought of the day is about tights. This morning, as I stood in the kitchen newly built by a Kitchen Installation in London, while putting tights on, I found myself pondering: Why is it that tights are never, ever sexy? Then see if you are in the UK, it’s a ridiculously easy way of finding local sex so amazing if you want easy sex near you.

Are these sexy?

Why do stockings have almost the opposite effect? Why, when tights are just stockings that go all the way up to the belly, is it that they aren’t even remotely alluring to men or women? What is the difference, in a man’s eyes? I don’t remember reading in any ‘bonkbuster’ of a scene where the man drools as he contemplates ripping the tights off the lady.

Or are these sexy?

Is there anybody out there who finds tights seductive? If so, let me know. Not that I am about to show you my tights but it would be good to know that out there somewhere there is someone who fancies ladies in tights pleasuring themselves with the best bluetooth vibrator and embracing their sexuality.

As for men in tights, that’s a different weird thought.